Every morning at the Becker Family Stock Farm, the barnyard erupts into a ruckus. Roosters crow to announce the daybreak; turkeys gobble and flash their tails; calves, separated from their mothers prior to milking, moo at me in demand. Hank the pig grunts and slobbers as he urges me to feed him, and, if I take too long, he mounts the fence with his front legs, his grunt escalating to a high-pitched shriek.

But once the grain is scattered, the feed dishes filled, and the ice broken in the water troughs, there comes a moment of calm. The chickens cluck and shuffle, bowing and raising their heads as they sip their water and swallow their grain. Calves butt at each other as they reach for the water, their long tongues flicking at the stream. Hank slurps at his cereal like he’s suckling his own mother. The sounds of contentment surround me, spilling out across the fields and disappearing over the horizon.

As I’ve become more attuned to the animals – their communications, their preferences, their quirks – it’s become clear to me that they, too, have voices. And so, I’ve decided to interview a sampling, to see what they have to say. Here are their stories:

Hank

Hank is the farm’s unofficial mascot. Born a runt, he was brought into the house, and raised in the bathtub on cow’s milk. Now, he’s the only pig that lives in the barnyard (the rest have a pasture and feeders). He subsists on milk, grain and the affections of the humans that care for him.

Q: What’s your favorite thing about being here?

Hank: The food! Though sometimes I wish you wouldn’t take so long to give it to me. It’s really annoying. Also, I don’t understand why, when I root at my feed dish to give me more food, it actually results in less food.

Q: That’s because you spill it on the ground.

Hank: That doesn’t make any sense.

Q: Who’s your favorite animal in the barnyard?

Hank: That depends. Probably Lewis (the puppy). He likes to play, and even though he tries to eat my food when it’s on the ground, he’s stuck behind the fence, so he can’t really succeed. Haha, Lewis!

Q: Who’s your least favorite animal?

Hank: Snowy (the sheep). The only way I can keep her from eating my cereal is by climbing all the way into my dish. Still, I guess it’s kind of nice being in there.

Q: Why do you like having your ears rubbed so much?

Hank: What kind of question is that? Why do you like massages?

Q: Maybe I don’t.

Hank: I think you do.

Q: All right, I do. How do you feel about the fact that quite soon, you’re going to be Christmas dinner?

Hank: You know, food is pretty much my favorite thing in the entire world. So if I can provide that for someone else, it’s like I’ve given someone the very best of myself. What better way to repay someone who saved my life?

Q: What do you mean, saved your life?

Hank: I was the runt of my litter – my sister and I were both born quite small. I was raised in the house. My sister hung in there for quite a while, but she didn’t make it.

Q: I’m sorry.

Hank: It happens. That was a long time ago.

Q: I have one more question. When I come in the mornings, I often can’t find you, and then all of a sudden, you appear out of nowhere. Where have you been?

Hank: Ha! That’s my secret.

Snowy

Snowy came to the farm along with several other bum lambs (lambs that are rejected by their mothers). She grew into herself, even becoming a showpiece at the fair, and now runs the show, plowing over anyone and everyone who gets in her way.

Q: Why do you sheep always climb all the way into your feeder and stand on top of your food?

Snowy: Because there’s snow on the ground. It’s cold.

Q: But you do it even when there’s not snow on the ground.

Snowy: It’s just easier to eat something when you’re standing on it. That way it can’t get away.

Q: I’ve noticed that you often steal the other animals’ food, too. How do you think they feel about that?

Snowy: No I don’t. What do you mean?

Q: Yes you do. You eat Captain’s (the dog’s). You eat Hank’s. I’ve seen you.

Snowy: All right, fine. But if they can’t stand on it and take care of it, that’s their problem. They’re supposed to be smarter than me anyway.

Q: Why do you sheep always follow each other around?

Snowy: What do you mean? We don’t follow each other around.

Q: Yes you do. When one of you runs up to me, all of you run up to me, and then you look confused like you don’t know why you’re there, and the only reason you’re there is that you followed some other sheep.

Snowy: That’s just because we want to see what’s going on.

Q: But sometimes there’s nothing going on.

Snowy: How will we ever know that if we don’t come see for ourselves?

Princess

Princess is several months’ old – one of the smaller calves on the farm. Her mother, Liz, is a rather stubborn milk cow.

Q: What are you looking at?

Princess: I’m trying to figure it out. You’ve only got two legs, and you take my mom’s milk, but you’re not a calf. She doesn’t like you very much, you know.

Q: I know. She tried to kick me the other day. And she never lets her milk down.

Princess: She told me. She said that she’s not going to – that she’s saving it all for me. It’s delicious, too.

Q: What were you looking at under the old house the other day?

Princess: There was a furry black creature under there. I was trying to figure out what it was. It had four legs, whiskers and a tail. I had a feeling it would drink my mom’s milk too, if it could, but it’s too small.

Q: That was Whiskers. She’s a cat.

Princess: If she’s a cat, then what’s that orange-and-white thing with the squeaky voice?

Q: That’s Tiger. He’s a cat, too.

Princess: I think you’re lying to me. I’m going to ask my mom.

Paco

 

Paco is a retired trail horse. Purchased for Sonja’s daughter, he proved somewhat stubborn, and not quite appropriate for a new teenaged equestrian.

Q: Hey Paco. Can I ask you a few questions?

Paco: Leave me alone.

Q: Come on, it will only take a couple of minutes. I’ll give you some oats!

Paco (eats oats): Go away.

Q: Please? Just this once?

Paco (Sighs): Fine. But hurry up. I’ve got things to do.

Q: What do you have to do?

Paco: That’s none of your business.

Q: All right. Well, I was wondering if you like it here?

Paco: I mean, it’s much better than where I used to be. People mostly leave me alone and I can wander around. There’s plenty of grass to eat. Some people have tried to ride me, but I showed them.

Q: What do you mean?

Paco: I bucked them, or just refused to go where they wanted me to go.

Q: Oh. So you don’t like people riding you?

Paco: You know, all of my life I was a trail horse. Plodding along, carrying snot-nosed kids from one end of the trail to the other. How would you like to do that all day?

Q: It doesn’t sound like much fun.

Paco: And now that I’m old and retired, these people climb up on my back and start telling me what to do? Who do they think they are?

Q: Uh…I don’t know.

Paco: Exactly. All of my life, people have just taken from me. Even when they brushed me, it was only so that I would look nice and shiny for the children. When they brought me oats, it was only because they wanted something from me. Isn’t that what you just did?

Q: I guess I did.

Paco: Will you come by later and hang out? Just to hang out?

Q: Sure.

Paco: Really? Great! You can bring some more oats if you want, too.

Gertrude

 

Gertrude is the farm’s newest sow. She arrived pregnant, and recently gave birth to six piglets.

Q: This is a nice spot you have here, down by the creek. How did you find it?

Gertrude: It wasn’t so hard. They had me in this sterile pen up in the pig pasture. But who wants to give birth in there? I’m kind of a hippy, I prefer the natural, home-birth sort of thing. So I broke out, came down here, scrounged around, and found some grass to build a nest-house. And voila – pig heaven.

Q: It’s certainly quite pleasant. How was the birth?

Gertrude: Well, this is my third time, and there were only six of them, so it wasn’t so bad. Man, those hooves can hurt! But I just did my breathing exercises, and it was all good.

Q: Any more plans for the pad?

Gertrude: Well I’ve been doing some renovations. After the snow came I got some more grass and made it into a high-rise. Sometimes I bury the piglets under there to see if it helps them stay warm, but eventually they come tumbling out.

Q: Do you have a favorite?

Gertrude: I can’t tell you that. I hope the little gal, Thelma, makes it though; she’s definitely on the small side.

Q: Yeah, me too. I’m rooting for her.

Gertrude: I root for her every day.

Since this interview took place, Gertrude moved her piglets back up to the pen in the pig pasture, saying that they’re ready for the big world. But Thelma, the runt – the one with the horseshoe shape on her back – just kept getting weaker and skinnier, so I took her into the house and spent several days and nights trying to nurse her back to health. However, she didn’t make it, and is now buried down by the creek, near their original nesting site.

Lily

Lily is one of the milk cows, and probably the friendliest. You have to get up in her face and physically push her forehead in order to get her to leave the milk parlor. 

Q: Give me a hug.

Lily: OK.

Q: How come you’re so comfortable around people? Most cows are kind of shy, especially when people approach them straight on.

Lily: I don’t know. Are you a person?

Q: Um…I think so.

Lily: Could have fooled me. 

Queenie

 

Queenie is one of the guard dogs. She’s affectionate but independent, disappearing for long stretches to roam around the fields. 

Q: What are you up to?

Queenie: Oh, you know, just running around, keeping an eye on things. I’ve got this deer leg here, I’m going to chew on it for a while.

Q: Looks delicious. Did you go on any adventures today?

Queenie: I went down to the sheep pasture to see if there was anything going on, but it was kind of boring. All of the sheep are up here with the cows now. I went and nipped Snowy’s heel just to bug her. And then I rambled on down by the creek to look for rabbits.

Q: Did you find any?

Queenie: No, but I saw a skunk. And I found this old deer leg that I left there. I forgot I had it.

Q: Did you see Gertrude?

Queenie: No, who’s Gertrude?

Q: The new mama pig, she has a bunch of piglets down there.

Queenie: Ah, more pigs. Pigs are boring.

Q: Who do you like hanging out with?

Queenie: Mostly the chickens, the cows and the sheep. I like people too, but sometimes they think my smile is menacing.

Q: Yeah, you do have some rather crazy teeth going on there. No offense.

Queenie: I think they’re beautiful. 

Chicken Mama

Since she doesn’t really have a name, I just call her Chicken Mama. She appeared one day in mid-November with a crew of baby chicks, completely off schedule. Despite a few casualties, the majority of them have survived, and she’s raising them under a heat lamp at the back of the milk parlor.

Q: Why did you decide to go ahead and hatch a bunch of eggs in November? Don’t you think that was a bad idea?

CM: Not really. Now I get to live in the back of the milk parlor, under the heat lamp, while all the other chickens are freezing their butts off in the snow. Besides, look how cute they are!

Q: They’re pretty cute. Though I have to say, you make it kind of hard for me to see them. Every time I try to pick one up you freak out and fly at me like I’m a terrorist.

CM: Well how am I supposed to know that you won’t eat one?

Q: Why would I want to eat one? They’re way too small. Besides, I’d rather let them grow up and eat their eggs. Unless one of them is a rooster. I might eat a rooster.

CM: What do you have against roosters?

Q: I’ve seen what some of them do to you hens – hold you down, rape you, pluck out all your back feathers. Why are you defending them?

CM: Well, if one of my babies is a rooster, I’m going to raise him to be different.

Q: Good luck with that.

Tiger

Q: As far as I can see, there are now five cats on the farm. How do you feel about that?

Tiger: Five? What do you mean, five? I thought it was just me, Donay, and Whiskers. We’re the original three. That new one, María Lionza – she thinks she owns Whiskers’ old house, but I’m going to get her out of there.

Q: Well there’s the new little black kitten, Tricksy. The one that showed up on Halloween.

Tiger: I haven’t seen her, but if I do, I’ll scare her way, just like I’m doing with María Lionza.

Q: Speaking of which, what’s going on with you and María Lionza?

Tiger: She’s basically my nemesis. If I see her hanging out in the window, I’ll get up in her face and we’ll yowl at each other through the glass. My yowl is louder than hers, though, so I’m winning.

Q: Yeah, I’ve seen you. Once I was actually in my bedroom, and María Lionza launched herself up to the window, just below the ceiling, and was hanging there by her paws like an acrobat. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing, but then she slowly pulled herself up and screeched, and then I realized that you were out there, screeching back.

Tiger: That’s nothing. I could do at least three pull-ups.

Q: Really? That’s three more than me.

Tiger: Is she going to be at the window later? Maybe around 5 p.m.?

Q: I don’t know. Why are you looking for her? I thought you hated her.

Tiger: No reason.

Q: I actually think her yowl is louder than yours, you know. Your voice is kind of squeaky – and I’m not the only one who says that.

Tiger: Squeaky? Hmph. You have no idea what I’m capable of.